Tis the Season

Merry Christmas everyone. Shianne and I are so excited about the upcoming holidays. We have our tree up that was given to us by a wonderful family and even have a few decorations up in our windows. We have been touched by so much kindness this holiday season that it is almost unimaginable. We know that God is all around us and in the people that we have come in contact with. I hope one day to be able to pay forward all that have been done for us. The only thing I can tell them is thank-you but it just doesn't seem like enough. I know the only way I can ever repay them is to pay it forward. When the time comes that I can pay it forward it is for certain that I will. I wish that everyone can see how far Shianne and I have come in this past year. How much we have grown. One day all we see, one day all will know, how much everyone means to us. We love you all.

The Beginning of a new era for us

Monday is the beginning of a new era in mine and Shianne's life. I start college at IUS (Indiana University Southeast) to get my degree in elementary education. I have to do this right. That is so much pressure. Right at this moment I am so overwhelmed. The thoughts keep racing through my head........... what if I fail.... what if I go and make a complete fool of myself...... what if I ignore Shi so much that she resents me for going back to school? She is already having a little bit of trouble with this for that very reason. She asked would I still have time for her. I really need to do this for us but I feel so alone right now. I took her to orientation today. We started this together and I felt that this is the end of the preperation process, she needed to be there for that. I got permission from her principal at school and Shi is writing a paper on going to college for them. I saw all of those people with their parents, with their spouses or even just friends. They talked about their support system and here I am with my daughter and I really felt alone. I think Shi sensed how I was feeling because she just looked at me. She shouldn't be supporting me, I am her mom, I am supposed to support her. I have my online friends and they really do lift me up, tell me I can do it. But when it comes to real friends here, I really don't have any. I have acquantances but no one that would come over for a study session, none that say hey you need a break lets go for soda. None that I can just rant, vent, and cry over when I mess up, or just get overwhelmed. I just wonder, am I in over my head? I know this is something I really want to do, but can I really do it? Can I accomplish this dream and still do for Shi like I should? I guess starting monday I will find out..............

What a month

Wow has it been a long time since I wrote anything. Things have been a bit busy around here. First off I had a car for a whole 8 days. That was short lived as my aunt, Shianne and I were involved in a car accident. A SUV ran a stop sign and we broad sided it. Thank God my aunt and Shianne were not injured. I on the other hand was not as lucky. Nothing serious thankfully, but I did come out with a concussion and whiplash and my back is messed up now. I had just started a job but was not able to continue with that as I was working in a daycare and was missing quite a few days in recovery. I know that things will turn back around soon though. I am on the road to healing so we shall see what God brings us in the future. Shianne and I both are still a bit nervous when we go through intersections or see people coming towards us. We both take a deep breath and let it out once we are past. That will all change in time, we both know that.
In other news the summer break will be over for Shianne on Thursday (the 13th of Aug). She will be starting second grade. Some days she is extremally excited about that, others she is begging me to make them wait till September. I figure if I was allowed to do that come September she will be wanting to make it October. She is such a funny kid. She really is, everytime she talks to Aunt Melinda she has her laughing. No one ever knows what will come out of her mouth next. She is so smart and so funny and the real joy in my life.
In the past month we have been attending a really great church. The music and the message is awesome. Best of all they have welcomed us with open arms. I look forward to getting more and more involved there. Updates on that will come soon.
Best wishes to all who are following our journey through life.

Shianne is turning 8!

It is so hard to believe that my baby is turning 8 years old tomorrow. These past 8 years have had their ups and downs but all is good. I sit back and watch her and she is no longer a baby, she is my big girl who is developing into her own person. It seems like yesterday that I brought this little bundle into the world. She had the darkest head of hair and these dark brown eyes that always watched me when I moved around. She was always watching everything and slept very little. What energy that baby had. Then she learned to move around, and was into everything. She was always so inquisitive and always asking questions. Things have not always been easy for her and she has had her troubles in her young life but to look at her now makes all that seem like a bad dream. She is now so eager to help others, she is so sensitive to people around her and is always willing to lend a hand. She is just such a sweet child and oh so very smart. She loves to learn, and loves to help. I just can't believe how much she has grown. So happy birthday my sweet baby, mommy loves you!

The Sidewards Sidewalk

Sidewards Sidewalk

Life has many twists and many turns. Sometimes you are on track and sometimes you are not. At times you will think that you are so off track that you will never get back on. Everything is a big and dark hole with no light at the end. Then there are these times that you are on the sidewards path, the sidewards sidewalk as I like to call it. You will be walking through life, things going straight, when all of a sudden you are on this path that you can barely stay right, you think you might fall but you hang on so tight going to the left to the right just to get through. You think is this ever going to end, and when it does will all be well? You push through and push through and then it is done and you are again on the straight path with everything well. I have learned when that path hits, and trust me it will, you look to up to God and say guide me please, tell me what to do and you have to stop and listen before you go on. Decisions made in desperation will often knock you off balance and put you stuck in this sidewards position and often will knock you way off course. The sidewards sidewalk is a test of your faith, to see what you will do, what you can handle, Satan‘s test to see if he can weasle in to our lives. I never thought of the term sidewards sidewalk until I walked down my street, and found two sections of it. Shianne said momma we are walking on a sidewards sidewalk. This section wanted to knock us over and it was a struggle staying in balance and the more I fought it, the harder it was. When I went slow and calculated each step carefully the easier it was. I knew then that is like life. The more you fight for each thing the harder it is, but the more you turn to God and wait and listen for His guidance the easier things are. With the struggles I have had lately I have let myself get all confused, and so lost. I let my insecurity get in the way. It is so amazing of what can be decided if I would turn to God first when I hit this sidewards path instead of fighting what I already know. God will lead, guide and be right here with me as long as I will let Him. He holds me up and can you too on these sidewards sidewalks of life.

What would Jesus really do?

I often have to make myself slow down. I am so quick to rush through life without taking time to look at the big picture of things. I am still learning what it means to be a christian and what all that entales. I see some people that have said they are a christian and ask myself is that how one acts? I ask that because if so then I don't think that is what I want to be. The way I see it if a person is going to model themselves after Jesus then they need to act like how Jesus would act. And to me that means doing real good deeds, helping the fellow human and not just on holidays. I mean after all did Jesus only perform miracles and help his fellow mankind on His birthday? No, everyday He strived to do something to help someone. He treated everyone with respect no matter who they were. He didn't care of the color of their skin, their social class, or even what religion they were. To me that is how we should act everyday. I am tired of people treating me different just because I don't have as much money as they do, or because I am bigger in size than they are. I strive to do whatever I can to help someone, and I ask for nothing in return. I feel that is what Jesus would do. No one should say to a person here it is Christmas so let me give you some gifts and then go and say yay I did my good deed for the year. People who need assistance most likely need it all year long. Often enough many people can buy Christmas gifts, food and clothes but may need their lawn mowed, a leaky pipe fixed or their house cleaned. We need to pay attention more to the big picture of things. And don't do it just for a notch in your good deed book, do it because you really care and follow through with it. If they need it once they most likely will need it for a while unless their circumstances change big time. People really need to stop and think about how they live their life and really think about what did Jesus really do, how did He really live His life. I don't feel that Christians are really showing a good example of it. We are rushing through this life and not paying attention to the big picture. People feel that if they go to church once a week or even everytime the doors are open that they are Christians, in my opinion no. It is how they treat people, what they do for the community and what is coming from the heart that makes a person a good person and I believe a Christian. People need to stop and think and pray. Look at the big picture of their life. Really what would Jesus do?

Mini me

There she is. My whole reason for being. It is so funny to watch Shi grow and learn new things. Most of all she is learning to be a kid. She has never really played and be silly like a child should be but finally she is getting the idea. This one picture is especially funny because she is in my chair. I told her that she could get in my chair while I worked in the kitchen and she just looked at me (she knows I how I am about my recliner) and I said go ahead. So she jumped and ran and jumped in the chair. Every time I came into the living room she would smile and grin at me with that mischievous grin like she was doing something wrong. I laughed and said it is okay that you are there. I turned and looked back and she had the computer in her lap just like I do when I am on it and relaxing. I had to capture this moment for forever time. She is my mini me, she wants to do everything that I do. Wow what a standard to live up to. I know that I have to show her how good life can be and how to live right. I have learned this is quite a responsibility. Shianne is so sensitive, so shy, and so reserved but I seeing that change. I am seeing her blossom into a wonderful young lady. By me changing how I am, not being so insecure, speaking up she is doing the same. What a wonderful thing to witness. I am seeing how my life decisions are positively affecting my daughter. Totally amazing.