What has changed for us

It has been a wild ride for us the last few months. After not finding work in New Albany we have moved on up to Kokomo hoping that we would have a fresh start and hopefully a new job. Well, that hasn't happened. Still no jobs and no potential at any either. So we will be on the move again as soon as I find a town that the recession has not hit so hard. Shianne has put her requests in. Somewhere that has a beach. She has never been on a beach, and never seen the ocean so I can understand her desire. She is a water girl, she could sit and look at the river for hours when we were in New Albany. She sat on the rock and listened saying it was the most beautiful song she had ever heard. I vow one day to make sure my girl sees the ocean. I firmly believe she will see the utter beauty of it. She has no desire to actually get in the water she said as she has seen too much shark week. ;)
Even with all the anxiousness of not having a job, Shianne being bullied beyond belief, and the transition here I still have a faith in our future. I know that we will be okay, I know that God has His hand on us and things will get better. We are starting a new journey to get physically fit, to get healthy and have an entire new start in life. I look forward to seeing if Shianne's choices on mens clothes to wear has anyhing to do with her self image or if they are just comfortable as she says. I look forward to seeing how she will grow and change as she starts to feel better about herself. She has so many dreams. She still says she is going to be a vet for the ASPCA when she grows up. I know she will. That has been her dream since she was 4years old. She is 9 now. Man that is hard to say, my girl is 9. Sighh where have the years gone. Anywhoo, that about sums up what has happened in the past few months. We are in Kokomo for now, I am taking an online computer class, Shianne is being homeschooled for the third grade, and we have a new vow to get healthy.
Keep checking back for the new happenings in this adventure we call life.
Until next time.
Karen Denise and Shianne

Meet our three new additions. Gracie the cat, Lucky the dog, and Spikey the hedgehog.

Bullying

Why do some people get such pleasure out of hurting other people? When I look at my child I see this beautiful, talented, giving young girl. When her peers see her apparantly they see a fat, boyish, shy girl that is an easy target to pick on. For the last two years she has been teased and they took my sensitive child to the edge of wanting to be die at 9 years old. The day she told me she could understand why people would kill themselves my heart sank. She is afraid to go out and play unless one person is with her that will shield her from teasing. She won't try anything new because she is afraid of being teased. For weeks she would eat a meal and then work out to the point of about dropping. One night she worked out so hard she couldn't move she was in such pain. For days she was so sore she couldn't get off the couch. She kept saying I can't gain another pound momma, I just can't. I kept asking why? About to the point of my tears myself as I was holding my crying, devestated child begging her to tell me what was wrong she buried her head in my shoulder as she said if I gain another pound I will be too fat to live. Everyone says so. She didn't set foot in school again. I pulled her and she is now homeschooled. After that day we have devised a plan to do this together. I still have to watch her as she hasn't quite associated her habits with the weight gain. While we were homeless we wondered where our next meal was coming from so she still has the habit of eating everything I bring in to the point of a stomach ache at times because of a subconcious fear of not getting food again. It has been years since we have lived on the streets but for a child that fear is real. I honor it, and I watch her.
It isn't only about her weight that she is teased, it is also about the clothes she wears, the place we live and at times because I don't have a job. That hurts me as a parent to know that I am not providing better for my child. I have done all I can but for the last several years I haven't been able to find work and so we continue to move while I look. We have moved so many times it has to be hard for her. She loves the adventure of moving she says. I wonder though if this is going to have a lasting effect on her.
I hate that my girl is so afraid to do new things. It hurts me to know that she hates herself so much. Every time I compliment her she says but you have to say that, you are my mother. I tell her that many kids are overweight now days, it doesn't make it right but she isn't that unusual. She looks at me and says yeah momma but how many 9 year olds are 185 pounds? I don't know what else to do. I try to make her feel better but I think at times I make it worse. I listen, I encourage and it doesn't do much. I tell her to hold onto hope for the future. That as long as we have hope we have everything. These bullies, these evil thoughtless people have taken my daughters spirit. I will vow to do everything I can to get it back.